


oh god im gunna die alone

by FelixElh



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drabble, I'm Sorry, Implied roxyjane, Marina & the Diamonds - Freeform, Pre-Sburb, Songfic, Suicide, kin memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 05:24:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12425907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FelixElh/pseuds/FelixElh
Summary: Roxy becomes more intoxicated than she can handle and reflects on how jealousy for Jane's movie-scene life ruined her.THERE IS BLATANT SUICIDE IN THE FIC.Drabble based on before-Sburb kin memories. Sorry in advance.Inspired by "Teen Idle" by Marina & The Diamonds and written while on my period.





	oh god im gunna die alone

You stare out your window. The rank stench of alcohol dwells in the stagnant air of your room and the only noise you hear is your laptop pinging; friends trying to reach you.

They can't, and you giggle a tiny bit at that.  
You close your eyes and let your senses tingle. Your carpet is mostly soft under you as you lay on your back, the only exceptions being where you have previously spilled nail polish and materials during your numerous biology experiments.

The air is still and dusk, not even dust or fuzz floating in the sunbeams.

The sunlight beats down on you from your windowpanes but you fail to feel the heat. You never have felt the heat or the cold.

As you open your eyes you lazily gaze around. The floor is littered with various types of empty alcohol bottles that you have knocked back.  
A tear slips down your cheek and tickles your ear, so you flip onto your side.

The notifications are sounding faster now. It's a clinking noise, meaning it's Jane.

Ahh, Janey. What a beauty. Short, pudgy, with hair fluffier than Frigglish before you stupidly killed him.

You slam your fist on the ground but the soft poff noise it makes on the plush carpet is incredibly unsatisfying.

You close your eyes again and throw your mind from Frigglish, instead focusing on Jane.

Jane talks about school a lot, saying she's currently grounded from even attending and how upset she is. You suppose that's why you got frustrated. You found movies from her era and studied public school.  
Why couldn't you be at school? You could've been the smartest girl there! Not to mention one of the prettiest!

But no. You were cursed with being in the 25th century. Everything was destroyed. Apocalyptic. Horrible.

There was no school, let alone anyone to have "girls nights" or gossip about the boys that walk the halls or even prom.

You smile with a soft snort. Ever since you started watching those idiotic movies you've been doodling designs for your dream prom dress. Hot pink and sparkly. Maybe floor length and very flowy.  
You like haltertops.

More tears streak down your cheeks and roll over your nose as your laptop goes silent.  
Opening your eyes, you glance up as the ringtone for a video call starts up. It's Dirk.

You ignore it.

You wish your mom would call you.  
Or contact you in any way, really.

You roll onto your stomach and crawl slowly to your bed, pushing the many bottles out of your way before climbing onto your bed.

You're so high up. Your window has no glass nor a screen. Poking your head out, there's no breeze or anything to move the stale, unscented air.

You know in the deepest parts of your drunken mind that this is a bad idea, that it won't solve anything, that you have friends that can help you.

You pull away from the window and open the groupchat you have with your buddies.

They've been messaging for three days, the most recent being only an hour ago.

> GT: For goodness sakes roxy answer us!
> 
> TT: Roxy, you're worrying us.
> 
> GT: To say the absolute least of course! You havent been online in
> 
> GT: Golly! Three days!
> 
> TT: Maybe she will respond to Jane. I will contact her.
> 
> GT: Good idea dirk.

The messages stopped there. Your private chat with Jane is flashing and you open it.

> GG: Ro-Lal, Dirk said you've practically fallen off the planet! Are you alright?
> 
> GG: RO-LAL!
> 
> GG: Gosh dangit, Roxy, please answer!
> 
> GG: I don't know what's going on over there, but you better come back before our disks arrive!
> 
> GG: Jake won't stop messaging me about you. He's worried sick!
> 
> GG: And so am I!

There's a two minute gap before 23 more messages all saying how worried they are about you and whatnot. You skim through them briefly before taking a breath and putting your fingers on the keyboard and trying your best.

> TG: lmao sorry janeycakes ive jusy been thinkim a lot ig
> 
> TG: just*
> 
> TG: thinkin*
> 
> GG: Oh thank goodness you responded! You should go to the group chat and relieve Dirk and Jake.
> 
> TG: naaaah
> 
> TG: its wtvr hehe
> 
> TG: im sorry janey
> 
> GG: For what? Ro-Lal, you're worrying me.
> 
> TG: 4 everythin i gurss
> 
> TG: guess*
> 
> TG: im a terrible friend lol
> 
> TG: ive just beem sittin here cryib and drinkin without thinkin aboyt how worried you must be
> 
> TG: been* cryin* about*
> 
> TG: fuck
> 
> GG: Ro-Lal, you have no need to apologize! You just need to explain to them what's going on, that's all.

You rub your face. She isn't understanding. But why would she? She has so much that you don't and you can't express that.  
Tears fall onto your keys, fingers trembling.

> GG: Roxy?
> 
> GG: Don't disappear again!
> 
> TG: yea sry im here
> 
> TG: i just wamted to alpologize fir everythin b4 i do this
> 
> GG: Do what?
> 
> GG: Roxy?
> 
> GG: Roxy!! Please respond! You're scaring me!
> 
> GG: You know we all love you a lot, right?? Where are you going???!
> 
> TG: 2 see my mom
> 
> TG: byebye janey ♡

You close your laptop and listen as it goes into sleep mode. Looking back at the window, you down one more martini experiment before climbing back onto your bed and kneeling on your windowframe.

There is still no wind to move the trees around you, your hair still and the world silent. You close your eyes and push yourself forward, enjoying the breeze you created yourself. You imagine being buried in your dream prom dress, before sudden blackness and stillness envelope you.

Then nothing.

-

-

-

> GG: Roxy. Please. Don't do what I think you're doing. We can help you! Please.
> 
> GG: Please. I'm sorry I never listened to you. You know so much more than I do about the game and what we're getting into.
> 
> GG: Just come back.
> 
> GG: I'll listen. You won't be alone!
> 
> GG: I love you, Roxy Lalonde!

**Author's Note:**

> sorry this is really heavy  
> one of my roxy timelines ended like this and i cant sleep so  
> i threw this shit together lmao  
> venting through drabbles is so soothing and nice tbh  
> ill prolly do it more lmao


End file.
